As a part-time work-from-home/full-time stay-at-home Mom to an energetic and feisty two-year-old, I can put up with just about anything. My daughter covering herself in Sharpie while I take a 30 second shower? No biggie. My two crazy dogs (and crazy daughter) howling in the background while I attempt to look professional on a Skype business call? I don’t even blink an eye. But, there are a few things that are always bound to make me lose my Mom sh*t. And so, I’ve come up with five simple Mom rules, that if only my daughter would follow, we’d probably make it through the day without both of us crying.
1. Don’t spill my coffee
Or tea, or water, or my very green and very stain-able smoothie. And if you catch me drinking wine before you’ve gone to bed (that’s a bad sign), please, I’m begging you, please don’t spill it!
2. Don’t run away from me
Not across the park field, not into the busy street, and not down the aisles of the grocery store. And when I catch up to you panting and having a mild heart attack, please don’t laugh like we just played the best game ever.
3. Don’t interrupt me in the bathroom unless it’s an emergency
Emergencies include the house is on fire, a bear has broken in the back door, or you’re bleeding profusely. For the record, “the dog ate my cookie” is not an emergency.
4. Don’t touch my makeup
I don’t have much, and I don’t even use most of it that often. But, if I find smeared lipstick on my duvet cover, a smashed eye shadow compact in the bathroom sink, or mascara painted on the dogs one more time… I’m going to need a large glass of wine.
5. Don’t ask why
I’m doing my very best to keep you alive and happy. So don’t ask my why you need mittens when it’s 20 below, or why we have to brush our teeth again even though we did it last night. Just trust me – I have my reasons.